So, you feel like a fight?

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LM14
Posts: 1755
Joined: August 22, 2009, 10:44 pm
Location: Bloomfield, Iowa
United States of America

So, you feel like a fight?

Post by LM14 »

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'


She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_____________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

_____________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.
1932 Ford 5 window coupe. 302/C4
1962 8V-390/C6 Unibody Short Bed Soon to be Big Window - The Lincoln that never was
2013 F150 Super Crew Eco Boost 4x4
2015 Ford Edge for the little lady, because she said so!
2007 Mustang GT, 4.6-3V/5 Speed. Only 8680 miles on the clock.

More toys, I need more toys!!!
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Truckrat
Posts: 2513
Joined: July 27, 2006, 5:06 pm
Location: Oklahoma City, Ok.
United States of America

Re: So, you feel like a fight?

Post by Truckrat »

:thumright: :laughing:
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foodstick
Posts: 3364
Joined: March 15, 2006, 6:45 pm

Re: So, you feel like a fight?

Post by foodstick »

Ouch !

Some of those made me look over my shoulder when I read them ! ;)
Jerry D
Posts: 380
Joined: November 29, 2006, 4:38 pm
Location: Woodstock, Il
United States of America

Re: So, you feel like a fight?

Post by Jerry D »

I read them to my wife and 23 year old daughter at the dinner table last nite. They didn't think they were nearly as funny as I did. :dontknow:

Jerry
User avatar
jkimbrel65
Posts: 965
Joined: July 11, 2006, 8:53 pm
Location: Athens Al
United States of America

Re: So, you feel like a fight?

Post by jkimbrel65 »

I read em to my wife she laughed at all of them

Mike
I tried being normal once...
was the worst 10 minutes of my life
ICEMAN6166
Posts: 11470
Joined: July 11, 2006, 11:28 am
Location: Dove Creek, Co. elevation 6842
Poland

Re: So, you feel like a fight?

Post by ICEMAN6166 »

jkimbrel65 wrote:I read em to my wife she laughed at all of them

Mike


same here
1966 F250 4x4
1964 Rambler Ambassador 990
Rest in peace departed Slick family members
Cam Milam
Lesley Ferguson
Steve Lopes
John Sutton
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