Darwin Awards-2006

[mikecarson]

In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin
Awards.
This annual honor is given to the person who improved the "gene
pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid
way. As always, competition this year has been keen. And the candidates
this year are.............

MICHIGAN...

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

CALIFORNIA...

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," -- accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

NORTH CAROLINA...

Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones,21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the
outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

CALIFORNIA..

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

DELAWARE...

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION:

NEW JERSEY...

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in
their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
and tried to toss it out the window??????? to see what would happen, but
apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

WASHINGTON.

TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one
of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at
4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that
no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.
One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end
was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out
for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER: FROM G-E-R-M-A-N-Y . is....

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!?
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. ' With no
one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "SHIT
happens!"

We eagerly await the 2007 contestants for the coveted DARWIN AWARD!!!

[jkimbrel65]

[FORDBOYpete]

FBp

[castruck_1964]

[SoonerStateRedneck]

[MadMaxetc]

these are the true humanitarians.

[ezernut9mm]

all i can say is "wow"

[Greg D]

I always look forward to these. I wonder if the thought "Oh Shit" went through the guy's mind as he fell.

[Comet]

Man, how could the elephant dude not win!
I must say I never heard about the kid in WA, you'd think that would be big news.

[Comet]

Ok, the story of the kid in Tacoma dates back to 1997 and is found in almost every year of Darwin award stories, but no where in the Tacoma news papers. I call urban myth on that one.

[BigTim]

And another WOW!

[GLindley]

And not to be too much of a kiljoy...click->here<- to read a bit about the elephant constipation story.
Seems even THAT story has been circulating for a while (1998)...