Paraprosdokian sentences

[Spanky]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.

Some people hear voices, some see invisible people, others have no imagination whatsoever.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

[lastwagen 66]

Thanks.....made me laugh

Carl

[japedo]

if it aint fixed, dont broke it. Always attack life, it is going to kill you in the long run anyways.

FUnny post there, truth usualy is

japedo

[olliesshop]

Thanks for making me laugh ... there's some really good ones in there.

[F7BIGJOB]

Loved it, liked the first line the best.
-Steve