Slick 60's

Well I found out today that my step father who has been in my life since I was born, Has a Brain tumor. The doc. says 3 to 6 months but really like less then 3. This is the man that I do everything with, from hunting to fishing and everything in between. I guess what im trying to say is what do I tell him? There is nothing I can do or say that is going to change the fact that im going to loose him. This man is like a father to me and im lost. All I do is tear up when I try to talk to him. I dont know if im even making any sence.

Rob

Rob, not having the experience of having lost anyone that close to me, I can only say I am truly sorry to hear of this for your and his sakes. I hope you spend your remaining days together wisely.

Make certain he knows what he has done to make you the person you are.

Show him he has made a difference in making you a man and that he will live on in you.

Let him know you will use his soul as a sounding board for the big decisions and that because of him you will be equipped to deal with the smaller ones on your own.

Ill pray for him too.

plus one on everything said above. has he gotten a second opinon? or third or fourth? my prayers and thoughts go with you man.

Rob, my heart goes out to you. 2 years ago last fall, my stepfather was killed in a tragic farming accident. It had been 6 weeks since I seen him last and I couldn't even remember our last conversation. I can only hope and pray that he knew what a difference he made in my life and that of my children's.

Take the oppurtunity to life every moment to the fullest and have no regrets. That is the best advice I can give you. Let the people you love know this at all times, healthy or sick. Cause we all just never know...

Good luck!

I understand your thoughts, too, Rob.
My advice for now is to talk, and talk and talk. When it hurts to talk, just sit quiet and talk some more later.
I lost my father just about 2 years ago. He called me the night before his heart gave out, and we talked for about 2 hours. The memory of that conversation is one of the best I have of him, and am very grateful for it.

The other advice I would give is to ensure both of you are ready for eternity. That knowledge will give you far more comfort than anything else. Let me know if I can help in any way.

John

Some great advice here on this thread. Laugh when you can, cry if you have to. The more you laugh with him in his time remaining, the less you'll cry after he has gone. My 'step' Dad has made a tremedous impact in my life. I never knew any other 'Dad'. Just him.

Rob, sorry to here about your dad. I lost my dad when i was 10 and my mom when i was 46 i know how you feel. The above posted advice is very good advice and i agree with all that they have said, and im sure more will be posted. The only thing that i can add is things will get better with time, it may take a long but life goes on. I hope his suffering is nil.

Lonnie

I am not the type to be realy sappy...I do hurt when loved ones pass away, but most of the time don't cry.

I am feel for you and you both will be in my prayers.

There will be plenty of people around that are trying to "make things better" but I find that most of the time the one that is in pain or passing just wants to be treated like "normal"

I would let him know how you feal, but then just do stuff like normal. If you guys like to go hunting...then go hunting. Does he want to spend all day watching Sports...then spend all day watching sports....etc...

It doesn't sound like you will have to "catch up" on doing stuff with him, so just love him like you always have...thats what I would want my Family and freinds to do.

CaliRob wrote:I guess what im trying to say is what do I tell him? There is nothing I can do or say that is going to change the fact that im going to loose him. This man is like a father to me and im lost. All I do is tear up when I try to talk to him. I dont know if im even making any sence.

Rob

Just tell him you love him. Your actions over the years have already said the rest.
He'll understand.

Help him to get done what he needs done, loose ends can be a worry for him. I'm sure there is unfinished things that he feels are trivial but these things can be a worry when he becomes unable to do them for himself.
At this point it's all about him and what he needs to be free of worries.
Pour your heart out to him and listen to what he has to say.
You will get through this.
My thoughts are with you
Dave

i do not have much to add to the previous posts, all that has been said is very good.

one of the better things is you are there and can spend time with him. i had not seen my father for several months when he suddenly died. it was not because of issues just the fact of living 200 miles away. this was very hard on me although nothing i could have done would have changed anything. he was still fairly young @ 56 and never was sick in his life.

our thought and prayers are also with you.

Rob, It saddens me to hear your news of your Dad who sounds like one great guy, being a father is hard enough but a stepfather I feel is harder as I am one myself. We lost my father 19 years ago on 25th Jan 1989 aged 58. I think if I was in his position I`d want to be treated as normal as possible.


Alan,

Rob,
Be glad that you have the time to spend with him before he goes. I lost my Dad 12 years ago next month from a brain tumor. He was 59 and in great health otherwise. They gave him 4-6 months. He made it 16 months but only was actually out of it for about 2 months.
My best advise is to do what he wants. My Dad just wanted to set up my MOM to be comfortable for the rest of her life. And thats what we did.
Be open and don't hold anything back, you WILL be forever glad that you had the chance, I know I am.
We used to build hot rods, race cars and hunt together. I will tell you ....it has never been the same since. It doesn't get better ....you just learn to deal with it.

Once again.......just be glad that you have the chance to spend time with him.

If you need to talk...feel free to PM me and I'll call ya.

Tim

Thanks for all the support guys, This one of the many things I love about this group. I am gonna just take it day by day and just do what I can to be there for him. I dont have many friends around here I can talk to and I knew I could count on you guys for anything. It means a lot to me.

Thank you

just be glad you have some time to get things squared away. And the fact that he isn't debilitated right now is a plus.

My grandpa died in 99, i remember he took my gma to the hospital because she thought her heart felt funny, turns out she was fine, but the stress gave him a heart attack that night. they were gonna do a bypass, but found a big clot in one/both carotids. They wanted to take them out before they would attempt a bypass, but lost a chunk and gave him a massive stroke, and never did the bypass. He lived 2 months, in the hospital the whole time, until they decided that his end was near, and they sent him home for about his last few days to a week and disconnected whatever machines and stuff. He was able to go in the peace of home, anyway.

It was a hard 2 months, but things got squared away, and we were able to let him go, hard as it always is. Hell, my dad was holding his hand when he slipped away. Just be glad you have time. So many people don't, and it is so much worse.

don't do anything differently than what you have been doing, it just makes them think you feel sorry for them or judging them differently now
________
M5 (E28)

Rob, I'm sorry to hear the news about your Father. I lost my dad 30 years ago and still feel the loss today. Continue to enjoy every moment you have left together, relive the things you have done together, and fill the time with happeness. I see my dad at the things we enjoyed together, a brief glance and I'll see him, or hear him speak to me. Your stepdad will always be with you.