Six affairs.

Slick Fan · Post by **Slick Fan** » February 4, 2008, 11:54 am

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said:
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented,
"I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM, the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know ," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."

ghostflamed66 · Post by **ghostflamed66** » February 4, 2008, 1:35 pm

Wes

Gritsngumbo · Post by **Gritsngumbo** » February 4, 2008, 2:45 pm

Thanks Slickfan. I needed that!

Comet · Post by **Comet** » February 4, 2008, 9:15 pm

LOL, just today someone posted the exact same thread on another forum. Funny stuff.

Jarrod · Post by **Jarrod** » February 5, 2008, 12:57 am

Slick Fan · Post by **Slick Fan** » February 5, 2008, 1:22 pm

Comet wrote:LOL, just today someone posted the exact same thread on another forum. Funny stuff.

I hope mine was first.

Alan Mclennan · Post by **Alan Mclennan** » February 5, 2008, 3:43 pm

Slick Fan wrote:
Comet wrote:LOL, just today someone posted the exact same thread on another forum. Funny stuff.
I hope mine was first.

SlickFan, You were first here thats all that counts!

Alan,

blackagatha · Post by **blackagatha** » February 5, 2008, 11:45 pm

that's some good shit!

Rosati · Post by **Rosati** » February 6, 2008, 12:19 am

A young couple marries and are together for 35 years. The wife takes terminally ill and askes to speak to her husband on her death bed.
"Dear, do you remenmber that small hat box in closet shelf that I asked you to never open?"
"Yes." he replied "what about it?"
"I want you to get it and bring it to me" she wispered.
He retrieved the box and she opened it. Inside was a rag doll and about $10,000.
"What is this? he asked.
"Well, I was talking to my mother about a year after we were married." she started." I asked what to do after I cheated on you with the delivery boy."
"She said that all couples have a sexual curiousity very early in there marriage and I should sew a rag doll and put it away to remind me of my indesgression"
The husband thinks for a minute and figures, 'Ok, one affair 34 years ago, I can forgive that'. But the money he didn't understand.
"I get the doll, honey, but what is all this money for?"
"It's from selling the dolls"

Slick Fan · Post by **Slick Fan** » February 6, 2008, 12:12 pm

blackagatha · Post by **blackagatha** » February 6, 2008, 7:39 pm

a little side income.... NICE.